The first time I ever skipped school was in my junior year of high school. My best friend had started skipping school all the time, while I did her homework and made excuses to the teachers. She would tend to leave around lunchtime when it was the easiest to get away. She had been skipping to hang out with her boyfriend. Normally she’d just leave, but this time she sought me out and invited me with her. I was so nervous and excited and really felt like I was being bad. We went out for lunch in town at The Diner and then went riding all over the place, speeding in her Suburban, listening to music. It was some of the most fun I’d ever had. We went to her boyfriend’s house and chilled and watched movies. When I got home, I didn’t mention a thing and nobody said anything; I felt so crazy and like such a success. I ended up skipping school a lot after that. We always seemed to get so much more done when we weren’t in school. My junior year was the first year of my life that I hadn’t gotten straight As. I got a bunch of Bs that year. My senior year, I didn’t have a single A and very few Bs.  

Photo Credit

<3 Wrath

 
When I was a kid, I used to read to my youngest brother every night. We read Martha Speaks, The Little Prince, The Puppy who Wanted a Boy, The Giving Tree, and many others like it. I look back at those times and miss them the most.  He spent some time with some people who really messed him; physically, emotionally, mentally, every other which way. I love him so much, but sometimes I miss who he was and the times we’d spend together. He isn’t good at being around people anymore, even family. He was always my favorite person and I look back and remember the horrible sister that I was, and wish that I had been better. I wish that I had been the person he could count on when the world failed him. I was too self-absorbed to notice that he needed me. I was too vain to hang out with my little brother. I could have and should have been there for him. But I wasn’t and I don’t know how to fix it now. I went online about a year ago and bought all those books I used to read to him when we were little. I keep wanting to give them to him maybe for his birthday or for Christmas. I wonder if he would remember, if he would care… if maybe they would make him happy, at least for a little while. If maybe he would remember the good times and smile. Just once for me. 

Photo Credit

<3 Wrath

 
When I was a kid (think preteen, early teen) I used to play truth or dare with a group of my girlfriends. Most of the time, it was pretty innocent. Like someone would pick truth and they’d get asked what color is your underwear; or someone would pick dare and they’d have to do a little dance. Other times it would be your typical teenager naughtiness, like running around the front yard naked in the middle of the night, or sneaking a shot of the liquor in the freezer. But there was one set of girls who I always hung out with and the three of us girls, were really good at taking the game too far. There were times when we were more sexual with each other playing truth or dare than I am with my husband now, twelve years later. The stuff we’d pull when my parents weren’t home could have landed our asses in a state of permanent seclusion (aka super grounded) if we were ever caught. But we never were; I don’t know if our parents were really that blind, or if they just preferred their ignorance, or if “they’re just kids, it’s just my dirty mind making it look bad” kind of mindset. The closest we ever came to being caught was once at a friend’s house and her younger brother knocked on the door and then walked right in to inform us that dinner was ready. We had the split second to hide under our covers. I think we managed, but we wondered if he suspected as we ran up the stairs with sticky skin.

Photo Credit

<3 Wrath

 
My first kiss was in a tree. Living in Oklahoma, my first kiss was on a sweltering summer day. I don’t know why I kissed him, because I hated him. But we kissed a lot after that first kiss. We were both twelve and he was my brother’s best friend.  I always hated this kid; he was kind of a bully. He would set dumpsters on fire and have my brothers jump in and put them out. He would break into empty houses and smash light bulbs and mirrors. I don’t know why we were hanging out that day, I don’t remember. But the two of us were in this tall tree; it was a tall old pecan tree that I loved to climb. I would spend all my hours up in its branches, most likely reading or staring at the clouds (I did that way too often). We were talking about whatever kids talk about and I leaned over and kissed him, nearly falling out of the tree in the process. Then we kissed a lot in that tree… and in front of my brothers, and my father; in front of my best guy friend (who I loved), all the time… For about three weeks. Then we just kind of stopped, like we’d never kissed. He was the same to my brothers as always, the same to me as he’d been before. It was like we’d all just forgotten.


Photo Credit 

<3 Wrath

 
When I was little (think seven), my father was in the Air Force and he PCS’d from a base in California to a base in Oklahoma. When we got to the new base, they put us in this temporary base housing (my father had a thing about owning whatever house he lived in, so we never lived on base for any period of time). There was this little creek that ran behind the building. By little, I mean it was about 8 inches wide and four inches deep, so it was probably just runoff from the road or something, but it was there the whole time I lived in base housing (couple of months). Well there was one day I walked outback and there were my brothers and a handful of boys from the block playing around the creek with sticks and stuff.  It was a hot sunny day and I can still remember the silly little red, white, and grey cowgirl set I was wearing and one of the boys ran up and stood with his back to me saying that he would protect me. I don’t really remember what all happened, but I remember standing near the creek and saying that the creek liked to eat little girls and the boys jumped into the creek and attacked it with their sticks and I felt as powerful and confident as a little girl can. I wish I could find that feeling in my everyday life now, as an adult.

Sorry about the horrible photo quality. I honestly took a picture of an old picture with my crappy cellphone.


<3 Wrath

    Wrath

    Things I may tell you while we're hiding from zombies or stuck on a small boat or locked in a closet together... You probably don't really wanna know. 

    Archives

    September 2013

    Categories

    All